Why Do I Love This Work
How and Why
People have asked me for years how I can take care of the dying, and why do I love it. Whenever I am asked what I do for a living, people visibly shudder and cringe, and inevitably, people will say “I don’t know how you do this” and “it must be so depressing”. I admit, that when I was initially assigned to an oncology unit, I thought the same thing,
”how will I do this, it will be so depressing”. It turns out, the last 30 years have been anything but depressing. Yes, my work is sad, often tragic, heart-wrenching, and very intense. But it is also full of love, joy, laughter, memories, wisdom, peace, spirituality, and most importantly genuineness. This work has helped me see the best part of humanity and I have been blessed.
How did it get started. Honestly, I have thought about why I have always been comfortable talking and dealing with death, even when I was very young. I credit my mother, a retired nurse and mother of 4. My mother when I was nine years old, allowed me to be a significant part of my paternal grandmother’s disease, suffering and death at the age of 62. I saw my beloved grandmother when she was in the hospital, being treated for breast cancer, when she was home on hospice, at the funeral home and mass. You may be thinking, nine years old, that is too young to be exposed to something that intense. My mother was raised old school Irish Catholic, so when she was growing up, family members were laid out in the home for days at a time, a person’s life was celebrated, the funeral mass was a part of the mourning process, giving hope to the bereaved that we will see each other again. My mother grew up to see death as a normal part of life, and she raised us to see death the same way. I think she gave me a gift, letting me a part of that time. I adored my grandmother. Seeing her so sick helped me to let go and to be relieved her suffering was over. Participating in the funeral mass instilled in me a lifelong love and respect for the final “send off” in the Catholic church that brings tears and hope to the people left behind. Over the years, I have attended many denominational funeral services, and have found the same sense of hope.
So, why do I love this work? I have found my experiences over the years more rewarding than sad. The times I have spent at the bedside or in people’s homes have filled me with admiration and astonishment at the strength people have to endure suffering and the incredible fortitude of their families to watch that suffering with grace. I have been privileged to see the most profound honesty and spirituality through peoples journey toward death. When I see that final breath and see all wrinkles, fear, and suffering disappear from that face, eternal peace has been found. I feel the same relief and hope I felt when I watched my grandmother on her final journey. I cry with the families, I can feel the pain of their loss, which is humbling and a reminder everyday that life is to be cherished. I am reminded to be grateful and appreciate the moments and memories I have been blessed with and to always realize how fleeting our time here on earth can be.
My favorite part of doing this work is the honesty. I am a person who does not care for pretense. I have always been blunt and say what I think and feel, and I respect others who do the same. There is nothing more honest and real than helping people through the dying process. People finally say what they feel, do what they have always wanted to do and the patients and families become the people they want to be. The genuineness of these moments are beyond any other experience in life and I have been privileged to have been a part of those those moments. The genuineness of that time is precious and the perspective I receive is a gift I carry with me daily. How many other jobs provide genuineness and perspective, what’s not to love.