My first favorite patient
When I graduated from nursing school over 30 years ago, I was excited, but mostly terrified to execute my newly learned skills and to be responsible for the welfare of very sick people. I graduated during a nursing shortage, so getting a job was the easy part, choosing where to work in a hospital, a lot more difficult. We were taught that we needed to get at least 2 years of Med/Surg experience, which is basically the average floor in a hospital, a little bit of every type of illness. I ended up being assigned to an oncology floor, honestly, not my first choice. I was afraid to take care of people who were dying and 30 years ago, cancer was more or less a terminal illness. I dutifully went where I was told and after the first grueling and incredibly enriching six months, I was in love! The patients and families I cared for were strong, brave, vulnerable, grateful, and inspiring.
That was when I met Nancy. Nancy was 32 years old with a Leiomyosarcoma, a rare form of cancer. Chemotherapy treatments 30 years ago required a hospital stay because the side effects were so devastating. Nancy would come in every month for her chemo cycles. She was married and had a 4 year old daughter. I remember being so angry at God for allowing this amazing young mother to have such a devastating and terminal disease, absolutely not fair!!!! I was endlessly impressed by Nancy’s attitude and outlook on life, she was always positive, happy, grateful and generous, even through her vomiting, fevers, anemia, and all the other tortures caused by chemotherapy. At the time, I was 23 and was newly pregnant with my first child. She was so excited for me! We would talk all through the day about pregnancy, motherhood, marriage, and the joys of life. We would also have intense talks about dying, leaving her incredible life behind.
One of the times Nancy was admitted, she bought me a present. I could not believe a woman with such a catastrophic illness would go out of her way to buy a gift for one of her nurses on the oncology floor. What an incredible spirit!! She bought me a stuffed lamb that made music for my baby. She suggested I play the music on my belly so that when the baby was born, he would be soothed by the music. I did play that lamb to my belly, and when my son was born, he was soothed by the music.
Nancy died at the age of 33 while I was on maternity leave. She and that lamb and will live in my heart forever. Thank you Nancy for your gift of generosity and love, and for being my inspiration what has become my passion for caring for people like you!