The Long Slow Fade

Often, in my work, I am faced with my patients rapid decline and death. But more often of late, I am caring for people who are on the long trajectory to their final end, what I call the long, slow fade. Honestly, this is the more difficult path. Little by little, these patients lose small pieces of themselves and their caregivers are subjected to watching their loved ones suffer for months to years. The patient’s caregivers are also burning the candle at all ends. Caregivers are asked to do they things for their loved ones they never imagined doing, like wiping their bottoms, changing diapers, wound care, wiping drool from their faces, feeding them. The caregivers are watching their spouses, parents, siblings, friends disappear before their eyes. And they are often doing this while trying to work, or raise their own families, not to mention the incredible financial burden these families are faced with over a long period of time.

This week, one of my patient’s caregivers told me she feels like her mother is shrinking and diminishing. This daughter is doing an amazing job! Initially, she had the mindset to “fix” everything for her mom, and slowly, I was able to encourage her to just allow her mom to be happy, and this patient is very content reading, enjoying family, sleeping, doing basically whatever she wants and not pushing to “fix” anything. Thanks to this wonderful daughter, this patient has a beautiful quality of life. Instead of the mindset of shrinking and diminishment, I prefer to think of her as fading, like the end of a great movie, the music is sweet and happy, and the picture slowly fades on a life well lived.

God Bless these wonderful caregivers who bring perspective, grace and love into my day to day life! I pray for continued grace for them, as they watch the long slow fade of the ones they love.